did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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