Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
