One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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