Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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