She said her name was "party"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
