Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
