am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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