Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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