Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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