I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
