I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
