haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
