who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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