my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
