eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
