News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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