I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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