I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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