Already got asked if we're dating
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
