I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
