Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
