Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
