My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
