Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
