dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Randomize
