i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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