he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
