Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
