im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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