There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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