think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
