don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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