I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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