there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
