The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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