just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
