it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
