you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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