He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
