If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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