one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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