Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
