He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
