i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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