I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
