What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
