Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
