He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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