People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
