No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
