Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
