Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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