and you said cock pushups were impossible
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
